Consider this disgustingly-normal dialogue between two friends: **<#1A84D5>{Emeka}**: *(has just finished expressing something burdensome)* **<#E40050>{Jumoke}:** Aw, Emeka. If there’s anything you need from me, let me know, yeah? **<#1A84D5>{Emeka}**: I will. Thanks, Jums. --- Now consider this alternative mode of discourse where Emeka chooses to challenge Jumoke by taking her word literally. **<#1A84D5>{Emeka}**: (*has just finished expressing something burdensome*). **<#E40050>{Jumoke}:** Ah, I hear that. Lemme know if there’s any way I can help, yeah? **<#1A84D5>{Emeka}**: Yeah, there is. Please send me £15 to my account so that I can buy Chinese. **<#E40050>{Jumoke}:** Umm…? **<#1A84D5>{Emeka}**: What? **<#E40050>{Jumoke}:** I don’t understand how that will help you? **<#1A84D5>{Emeka}**: It will fill my stomach and provide emotional upliftment. **<#E40050>{Jumoke}:** Lool Emeka, that’s not the type of help I’m talking about. **<#1A84D5>{Emeka}**: You literally said “if there’s ANY way you can help”. I’ve just told you how you can help and now you’re twiddling? **<#E40050>{Jumoke}:** Seriously? **<#1A84D5>{Emeka}**: I’m serious. **<#E40050>{Jumoke}:** Bro, my funds aren’t fluid like that to be giving you money. But I can help in other ways which are relevant to what you shared, that’s what I’m saying. **<#1A84D5>{Emeka}**: Help like how then? **<#E40050>{Jumoke}:** I don’t know, that’s what I’m asking you. **<#1A84D5>{Emeka}**: So you offer me help but you don’t know how you can help, but then the one thing I ask of you, you can’t do? What flavour of uselessness is this one? **<#E40050>{Jumoke}:** … --- I like how that discourse plays out in my head. Wouldn’t it be fun to challenge somebody’s stupid clichés and actually hold them literally to their word? I’ve done something like this before. The person actually went ahead to send me the money though. Still, they were taken by surprise by what I asked of them. Should they have been? If you don't offer options as to how you can help, how am I supposed to know what's within your capacity? I hope challenging people’s polite mundanities will make them think about what they say better. Maybe people will be more meaningful in their speech. On the other hand, I also get the chance to milk loose-talkers for my own needs. Isn’t it splendid? Please don’t offer help that you cannot give. And if you do offer help, specify or provide options as to what is within your means. Outline the general fields or specific ways in which you are actually willing to provide aid. If you make it open-ended like that, and you don’t follow through with any reasonable requests, then you’re simply not a person of your word. Just talking for talking sake. Talking like a talking person. If you’ve said this to me lately, or intend on saying this to me within the next couple of weeks, please send me money to my account. That’s how you can help. Cheerio.