It’s VERY easy for you to jump to conclusions from such a title. While the title is by all means correct, there is a range of inferences one can make and what’s important is that you get the right one. Such can only be ascertained by reading and not presuming. The title isn’t a statement symbolic of arrogance. Neither is it the prelude to a boastful “girls move to me”. Neither is it an indication that I love beyond the plane of heterosexuality. On a scale of 1 to “Zavid, what the heck are you saying?”, this lies somewhere around where [this old blog post](https://www.zavidegbue.com/reveries/im-gonna-marry-ghanaian) does. This is an explanative reverie, and I want everybody to heed my words very cautiously. Just to note, while the title mentions “girls”, I’d much rather address adult female individuals as **women**. The presence of “girls” in the title and throughout this reverie is solely for accessibility; given that the noun “girls” is commonly-used alongside the colloquial phrasal verb “move to” in the Black British community. Also, this reverie is written from the perspective of a cisgender heterosexual male. Which means that, to mitigate artificiality, I won’t always be politically-correct, terminologically-precise or inclusive. Now, I’m not sure where this might happen but if it does, don’t be too quick to cancel me. But enough with the disclaimers. Let me start explaining myself. In case you're not really down with the colloquialisms, "moving to" somebody is - in my own definition - making an approach towards them with intentions of romantic or solely sexual pursuit. In today's society (and on the grounds of heteronormative cultures), this is usually the action of a man to a woman who is more or less a stranger to him. Vice versa isn't so commonly-accepted by women but largely encouraged by men. Grandiloquence outta way, I don't do dem tings deya. Never have I ever. Lemme tell you why moving to girls makes 0.00% sense to me. Case scenario of **<#1A84D5>{Bangizwe}** and **<#E40050>{Zobuhle}** because, you know, I'm not about to use white people names and underrepresent. I also like names with "Z" in them and "**Zobuhle**" sounds like something I'd call my daughter even though it's a Zulu name but it has *beauty* in its definition and Southern Africa really interests me and also... ![](https://media3.giphy.com/media/fWgAYrFXNqa1xJs3zL/giphy.gif) YES. RIGHT. APOLOGIES. **<#1A84D5>{Bangizwe}** catches the physically-appealing and voluptuous **<#E40050>{Zobuhle}** on the street. He... I don't know... licks his lips? Does the whole rubbing of hands thing Birdman always used to do, slicks his... type 4C hair back (goodness gracious) and starts swaggering towards the innocent **<#E40050>{Zobuhle}** who's minding her own business doing some grocery shopping. **<#1A84D5>{Bangizwe} has no bloody clue who <#E40050>{Zobuhle} is.** All **<#1A84D5>{Bangz}** sees is a fascinating and enticing exterior while, in his infatuation, he fails to take a shoulder-length risk assessment as to how the subject of his interest can potentially be unhealthy or incompatible with him. He completely jumps the gun and dives straight into the pool with high expectations of a shallow depth on equal level with his desire for **<#E40050>{Zobu}**. **<#1A84D5>{Bangizwe}** acts on what I call **penile thoughts**. Even the most long-term visionaries with entrepreneurial mindsets succumb to this. In everything outside of their romantic life, they assess and strategise. But when they see a gorgeous woman who tickles their fancy, they grow amnesiac to the transferrable career lessons of life and fail to apply them to their romantic dimensions. I'm far from innocent on penile thoughts in regard to strangers. I just don't act on them in a fashion of intentional pursuit because what the heck? I have no clue who **<#E40050>{Zobuhle}** is, what she does, where she's been, who she worships, who she wants to be with, who her friends are, what she listens to, what she ingests, where she sees herself, what her plans are, what I can offer her, whether she's even had a bad day; what have you. So why would I just go and impose myself on her without doing some prior assessment? It's not even just about common sense though; as I mentioned earlier, there's potential for harm. You're trying to entangle yourself with somebody you don't know **without having a friendship first**. If that pre-relationship flops, you've most likely made yourself an enemy. Likewise, what if she's incompatible with me **on paper**. As in she's inconsiderate, a proponent of violence, unforgiving, loquacious, hyperactive, high-maintenance, aggressive, incommunicative, quick to speak and slow to listen, argumentative, hyperdefensive... even worse, what if she idolises celebrities and influencers or fantasises over large-scale densely-populated weddings. Rushing in blind only to hit these bumps in the course of the relationship when I could have known about them and probably prepared for them beforehand is mad unwise to me. What about the dealbreakers? You have to know the dealbreakers before you make the deal. Like, come flippin' on. Would it not be much more wise to spark a friendship first? The friendship is the assessment ground. It's where you learn the most about the people under safe, intimate and meaningful terms. A friendship-first relationship is like sautéing the onions before you build upon the dish you're creating. Or better yet, it's spreading butter on a slice of bread before you lay your spread or add your filling. Like, what kind of ill-raised infidel spreads jam on bread without the butter? Egg? Cheese? Honey? Hummus? But no butter? Heresy on every side. Almost all my female friends have been under assessment at some stage of my life. I gauge the chemistry, the potential for attraction on my part, the mutuality in the event that it exists, the strength of the friendship and the sustainability of a hypothetical relationship. All while still maintaining a meaningful and productive friendship. If any of them fit what I'm looking for, well...how I take it from there is not what this reverie exists to detail. This doesn't mean I've never spoken to female strangers. Of course I have. Some of you reading this, our friendship may have commenced from me asking you a question on the street or popping up to you on Instagram to share a compliment or just react to one of your stories. I didn't do that with the intention of romantic pursuit, neither did I do that because I wanted to have sex with you. I did it for the sake of expression. Simple as. For most of you, I may never have expected it to lead up to anything greater, not even a friendship. Women have even confused my friendliness for movements on multiple occasions. The fact is, that's a personal problem with them. To assume that every male stranger who speaks to you is trying to move to you is actually understandable, I won't even cap. But, in some cases, especially when said male stranger is innocent and hasn't really said anything too forward, reactions can just be weird, antisocial and disconcerting. I feel a lot of woman repel and dismiss genuinely-caring men. But hey, what can they do? It's tough to sieve out the helpful from the harmful. Maybe this reverie answers a lot of questions people have had about me. This is **mostly** why I haven't been in an official relationship. Plenty of time spent observing, biding, weighing, assessing and waiting. Some people think it's because my standards are high and I'm too stringent with them. It's a bit more complex than that. But again, not an explanation for this reverie. Now I won't deny that, for many men, moving to female strangers has definitely worked out in favour of both parties in their presently-flourishing relationship. So people are inclined to brute-force their way through this romance ting despite the risks. But just because those highlights exist in the reel doesn't mean that the ratio in which such approaches are successful are dominant. It's still incredibly risky business, forget what all these motivational speakers and romance gurus will tell you. Each chemical bond between individuals is constituted differently; what works for one won't necessarily work for another. So all the advice these top tippers give out? Personally, I think it's a load of baloney. Now, finally, directly addressing the pathetic narrative I hear so frequently, the crass sentiment that pervades the paraphrased question: > If I don't move to girls, how do I expect to get a girl? ![](https://media2.giphy.com/media/WRp58hy5gmfjpMzHAZ/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47rh13al3jjg9bk7667vu1rwmqef00rk1l13r945d1&rid=giphy.gif) I don't know if it's just me that sees the question as a sentence of sheer stupidity. It reminds me of the question: "If you've never had sex, how are you going to know if sex with your wife is good?". Not the topic for today but I think I answer that [somewhere in here](https://www.zavidegbue.com/reveries/black-male-virgin). As I previously mentioned, friendship first. People who aren't friends first do that whole dating thing. Dating as a concept is absolutely fallacious in my opinion. I'm not talking about the dressing up and going out to restaurants, museums or parks aspect of it. That's the aspect of dating which is cool and not even exclusive to romance. I'm talking about the judgment. Going on a date with a nigh-stranger is just a bidirectional audition, and the fact that it's an audition makes it so artificial. The **common** idea is that people look their best to make an appeal and to judge the other in a particularly-classy environment. Which is ridiculous and a waste of time to me because it would be much quicker and more genuine to get to know your subject of interest in a much more natural, chill and authentic setting. Money is saved, almost nothing is faked, and the bonding and connection that occurs is more tangible. Men who take female strangers out on dates are wasting so much time and money, it's unbelievable. Do you know how many of my female friends have been out there finessing and freely feeding off men with poor heads on their shoulders? Honestly, they're doing it all wrong. But good for them if they're enjoying. What's actually my own? End of the day, it could never be me. That's why bottom-barrel debates like "who should pay on the first date?" arise. No one cares for this debate in my immediate echo chamber because romantic connections are properly-established in natural and more meaningful settings. By the time the first date arises, there's already a level of understanding and intimacy between the man and woman such that, whoever actually ends up paying, both are completely cool with the outcome. Friendship first, people. Moving to strangers and going on dates with them is way too synthetic for my type of personality. I will know you first before I choose to grow into you and love you. I like to butter my bread before I lay my spread. So that's that people. If you felt like I ever moved to any of you, let me know and I'll drop you a message detailing how absolutely delusional you are to clear it up. Have a nice day x